The anger scale ranges from inaction, or Giving Up, due to a sense of helplessness, to Action by words and behavior, to toxic inaction or Toxicity, full of spite and venom which is poison to your body and relationships. You may move in any direction on the scale based on the results of your actions, your current and past experiences, and your sense of possible change.
It is important to identify where you are on the scale to better understand what step will be most useful for you. If you have reached the state of Toxicity, you may need to work on releasing your anger before you decide what to do next.
50 Shades of Anger
Giving up ↔ Action ↔ Toxicity
Disappointed Irritated Outraged Vengeful Cheated Hatred Exasperated
Resignation Distrustful Sickened Contempt Belligerent Fury Cynical
Disillusioned Annoyed Appalled Resistant Rebellious Defiant Trapped
Disenchanted Offended Resentful Testy Willful Rage Devastated
Isolated Grumpy Riled Furious Enflamed Wrath Indignant
Hurt Frustrated Goaded Disdain Virulent Icy Skeptical
Dejected Bitter Mortified Revulsion Hostile Vicious Scornful
Thwarted Bothered Aghast Bitter Suspicious Loathing Sarcastic
Moody Upset
Note: There are other words that characterize anger. This scale was created as a tool to use and not a definitive measurement.
The SET – C Approach
Use these steps to explore what you are experiencing:
- Story – In your point of view, what is causing you to feel the way you do? Don’t edit the story. Blame whomever you want. Complain about what happened, what’s changing, or what failed to change. Declare the injustice. Name the ignorance, the short sidedness, the awful behaviors, the cluelessness, and what is flat out wrong.
- Emotions – Namethe emotions you are feeling. Be honest. Scan your body for tenseness and aches. Use the scale above to label all that you think you are feeling.
- Trigger – What did you expect or want to happen that didn’t? What is the loss you feel (i.e. respect, status, acknowledgment, opportunity, regard, acceptance, belonging, safety, hope, value for yourself or your good work).
Before you take the last step, answer these questions:
- Now that you have told your story, what do you know for sure?
- If there were other explanations for someone’s behavior, what might they be?
- What do you want that you didn’t get? What did you hope would happen?
- What dream was battered or bruised?
- Are you willing to create a new dream, hope, or possibility that is worth fighting for? How would you like this story to end?
- What is the possible future that inspires you to act?
Once you are clear on what outcome you want
- Choose – To achieve your outcome, answer these questions:
- What is the very next thing you could do to achieve your dream? When will you do it?
- Is there anything you need to declare or ask for?
- What were you doing before? What could you change that will help you move forward?
- What do you fear will get in the way? How can you move beyond that fear or concern?
- What emotions will balance your anger, such as passion, hope, love, courage, and faith? How can you shift to feeling one of these emotions when your anger feels out of control or harmful?
- Is there any support you need? Who has a similar dream you can align with?