How Well Do You Handle Discomfort in Conversations?
When a person has a breakthrough in thinking, they often experience an emotional reaction. Do you jump in to make them feel better or withdraw in fear? How well you handle yourself in these moments will impact how effective you can be in the conversation. This assessment will help you assess your ability to manage yourself in a Discomfort Zone conversation.
You will be asked to respond to a variety of questions about different uncomfortable situations in performance or coaching conversations. Please do not skip any questions because it will affect your final score. Answer what you think is your typical response even though situations vary so your outcome and suggestions are relevant to you.









































































You have the right mental framework for holding a Discomfort Zone conversation. Keep doing what you can to keep your awareness up, for respecting people and allowing them to express how they are feeling knowing, and for taking care of your own stress so you can be present and fully listen to others. If you acquire a copy of The Discomfort Zone, you can skip chapter one to go directly to reading how you can prepare for the conversation, how to apply the model, and how to access your intuition using specific listening techniques. Of course, it never hurts to reaffirm your good practices if you want to start from the book’s beginning. We all experience moments where our reactions sabotage our best intent.

Some of your assumptions and beliefs about people and difficult conversations could get in the way of your success. If you are interested in turning your difficult conversations into breakthrough experiences, you will want to read chapters one and two of The Discomfort Zone completely. Some of the key points to consider include:
- The specific circumstances needed for this approach to be successful include a strong belief in the person’s potential to grow and see new possibilities; your willingness to listen deeply and explore the person’s perceptions and emotions as a means for moving forward, and a sense that helping people think more broadly for themselves is a way to help them grow instead of being dependent on you for answers.
- You need to hold a positive emotional intention throughout the conversation no matter what transpires. Be patient, be curious, and be open to learning.
- If people have a baseline of skills and knowledge, you can energize them by building on what they know instead of exhausting them with what you know. Remember that it is more important you activate thinking than to pacify it with information and instructions.
- People want you to be present more than they need you to be perfect. All humans want to feel heard and understood even if this makes you feel uncomfortable. If you stay the course in a Discomfort Zone conversation, you build trust and security, the essential ingredients needed for someone to feel safe enough to explore their thoughts and emotions with you. Without this, you may get incremental behavioral adjustments but not the breakthrough moments needed for long-lasting, evident change.

Thank you for honestly answering the questions; your score resembles the actions and feelings of many people in our noisy, busy, pressure-filled world. If you are interested in improving your score, consider these tips from The Discomfort Zone.
- Developing your ability to be grounded in the present moment and fully looking, hearing, and sensing what is going on around you will help you be more comfortable listening to people even when the conversation is awkward or unpleasant for you. Read about and listen to programs on how to increase your mindfulness and ability to be present. I recommend the work of Ekhart Tolle and Jon Kabat-Zinn.
- Re-examine what you feel is your purpose as a leader, coach, parent, or friend. Are you only focused on solving problems and successfully achieving goals? If so, you have left the human element out of the picture. Do you find value in developing people? Would you be interested in knowing their dreams, desires, and fears? If your answer is yes, then start visioning yourself as a person who cares about helping people recognize and achieve their greatest potential. I’m not saying you should never consider solving other people's problems, but developing people to be independent thinkers increases their confidence and desire to grpw.
- To build trust, the person you are speaking with must feel your intentions are in his or her best interest throughout the conversation. Your purpose is to reveal a greater self to the person, not fix his problems or make them into being someone they aren't. Can you remove your doubts in the person’s ability to grow? Can you accept the person’s style and values as okay even if they are different from your own? You cannot fall into judgment or impatience if you want to turn your uncomfortable conversations into developmental and important experiences.

We hope you came to this assessment to learn how to deal with uncomfortable conversations. There are many tips for you on this website. If you think you are stuck and can't move forward, you might seek a coach or therapist to work through your fears.